margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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