How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
