im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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