Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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