my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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