I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
