woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
