If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
