the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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