You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
