What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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