honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
