I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
