Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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