I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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