called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
