Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
