What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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