also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
