HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
