I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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