Can Purell be used as lube?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
