I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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