his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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