Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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