1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
