he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
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Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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