discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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