god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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