Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
