It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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