Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
