I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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