the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
