This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
