dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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