I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
