I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
