I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
