I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
