there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
