I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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