This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
