I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
