Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
