I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
