Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
