remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
