the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
