Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
