Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
