1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
