The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
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having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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