these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
