I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
