he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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