I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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