Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
