Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
