check it out our google latitudes are spooning
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
