the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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