think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
