Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
