I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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