That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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