last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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