So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i think i just lost a toe
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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