Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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