My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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