just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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