Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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