I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
