I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
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So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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