He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
