I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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