I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize