What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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