Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
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I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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