My first STD was from a foam party
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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